Avoding the Anonymous Lifestyle

Avoiding the Anonymous Lifestyle

By Ed Vasicek

I relish the pre-supermarket days as a young child in the early 1960's.  My mom would stroll to the fruit store for produce, the butcher for meat, the Italian bakery/deli for fresh (hard-crust--mmmm) bread and cold cuts. She would promenade to the tiny A&P store for canned goods: Mom would place the order with the woman at the counter, and she would bring items down from the shelves, sometimes climbing the roller ladder.  The shelves were stacked up to the high tin ceiling.

We personally knew the folks at the bakery, butcher shop, fruit store, and A&P. Business began with a friendly hello and sometimes a bit of visiting. At the Italian bakery/deli, Rose would save the "ends" from her cold cuts and give them to us because she knew we had a dog. We never asked for "credit," but I suspect if we needed to do so, we would not have been denied.  Incidentally, we did not live in some small town, but in Cicero, IL, a mere three blocks from Chicago's city limits.

As the years have advanced, the pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme, living anonymously. This swing is entirely detrimental. For example, today couples meet and fall in love with strangers over an internet chat room; I understand some singles go to pubs and dance on the floor ALONE, uncoupled, in an anonymous group.

Greetings, and welcome to another installment of our "Social Connectedness" series. Every article is meant to stand independently.  After attempting to prove that it is in our (and our society's) best interest for us to be "socially connected," I have proposed several suggestions to move us in the direction of connection: cut down television/computer time, read the community paper, make time for socializing, and reject socially destructive trends. I offer yet another suggestion: avoid the "anonymous lifestyle."

To be anonymous is to be unnamed. Although there are times when discretion demands we remain nameless, we should not be characterized by anonymous living. An incognito lifestyle is toxic to social connectedness.

When we are named and known, we exhibit more accountability for our behavior. Vandals carve graffiti on stall walls anonymously. Inhibitions can be lost in the herd.   The bigger the crowd, the less likely we are to sense personal responsibility.

Not far from anonymity is facelessness. Talking to a name over an internet chat-room is not the same as conversing with a person you already know. When we get aquatinted with people face to face, we can catch body language, image, mannerisms, etc.; these furnish us with vital clues as to the person's nature. Yet, in spite of those clues, we still conceal hidden agendas from one another.  One may imagine how easy it is to rewrite reality over an internet chat room!  In such an environment, deception abounds.

The bigger the crowd, the easier it is to become lost, intentionally or otherwise. For example, one man in our church has a fine solo voice; before he moved to Kokomo, he attended a mega-church in another part of Indiana.  His tone was "not good enough" for solos in that fellowship. He was, in a sense, "lost" in the numbers (through no fault of his own).  On the other hand, I am convinced many seek big crowds to conceal their dysfunctionality; there is camouflage in the throng.

So how do we avoid anonymous living?   I suggest integrating these principles into your life: prefer the small to the large, the local to the far away, and the personable to the anonymous. The smaller school might be the better one. Go for faces over numbers; recommendations by friends over ads. Talk to people eyeball to eyeball before you chat with them over the net or phone. Avoid the draw to hide in large crowds: bigger is not always better.