Enjoying others through conversation

Enjoying Conversation Introduction

By Ed Vasicek

I relish teaching each of the divisions of our AWANA Youth Clubs Wednesday evenings. Besides moving to the three classes with my traditional flannel graph Bible materials, I also begin my lessons with puppet skits. I don't mess with a stage (I just put the puppets in front of my face), and I write my own pun-filled skits. They are far from professional, but the kids like them. Their favorite puppet character is "Mouthly," the over-stuffed hippo. Mouthly must talk at the rate of 200 words per minute with gusts up to 400!  He doesn't leave gaps between sentences, and he goes from one subject to another without transition.

Not only do the kids enjoy the puppets, but so do the adult leaders. As a matter of fact, several leaders have told me, "I have a relative (or friend) that talks just like Mouthly." Odds are you might know a few Mouthlys as well.  

On the opposite extreme, I call one of my dog puppets, "Pokey," because he speaks so s-l-o-w-l-y that it drives everyone nuts. You probably know a few Pokeys as well. 

But I do not have a puppet called, "Silence."  Why? There would not be much of a show if the puppets did not say anything. Unfortunately, the real world has more variety than the puppet world, for in human society we also meet folks who are virtually silent, individuals who answer questions with a mere "yes" or "no."

Greetings and welcome to another installment in my series about connecting to others and making friends. As I have chatted with you via the printed page, I have repeatedly mentioned the importance of conversation in relation to connecting socially and developing friendships. At this point we are ready to target this social skill.

When I taught similar material within our church, I pointed out that conversation is apparently eternal. I believe the Three Persons of the Trinity have conversed from eternity past, and that creation itself resulted from this sacred conversation, ("Let us make man in our image," for example). Therefore, the ability to converse is part of what it means for man to be in God's image. But if you disagree with my theology, no problemo. We may  approach the matter from a more secular perspective. One great difference between men and animals is the ability to hold intelligent, advanced, and creative conversation (and to communicate conceptually in writing as well). So any way you look at it, conversation is a significant part of what it means to be human.

To me it seems a no-brainer that good conversationalists find it easier to connect to others and develop friendships. And since connecting and experiencing friendship has been documented as a crucial factor in personal happiness, learning to improve our conversational skills makes a lot of sense.

Not everybody agrees with my proposition. Many folks still cling to the old saying, "Silence is golden." One famous Spanish proverb translates literally as follows: "In a closed mouth, flies do not enter." Perhaps you have heard the old saying, "God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we talk." Although many of these sayings are reactions against Mouthly types, balanced conversation is what we should really aim toward. Talking first and thinking later is a foolish practice; talking for the sake of making noise irritates others. But remember this: both blabbermouths and silent types find it difficult to connect. Blabbermouths repel people; the silent types go unnoticed and (worse) unknown. Both extremes are best served if brought closer to center.

In cultures not as technological as ours, conversation is still the primary form of entertainment. It used to be that way in the good old USA. Folks would stop over and visit; mixers, parties, and church socials provided opportunity to converse. I remember sitting on our front porch during summer nights. Neighbors would stroll down the block and chat from house to house. Although shallow people turned those sorts of opportunities into gossip sessions, many folks connected to others, kept up with the news, analyzed events, perspectives, and happenings together. They esteemed conversation. In many families today, conversation is nothing more than an interruption of the television program or video-game.

So if we are to improve our conversational skills, the first step is to appreciate the art of conversation, to shed our sourpuss attitudes toward it, and to begin respecting the dignity of an eternal art: the art of conversation.