Social Connectedness Summary

Wrapping Up Social Connectedness

By Ed Vasicek

Since this is my final column about "Social Connectedness," let me review the big picture I have tried to paint.    Here we go.  Hold your breath.  Ready?

American social life has entered a free-fall, as documented by the book, "Bowling Alone."   Compared to thirty ago, we are about half as likely to be involved in clubs, lodges, organizations, or play cards.  We have even lost our social know-how; we fail to connect and then blame others for OUR problem.

Being socially connected offers significant personal benefits.   Social connectedness is the best harbinger of happiness-not only in the U.S., but also throughout the world.    Connected people live longer and experience incredibly better health than isolated folks.

Becoming socially connected is everyone's obligation: it is a matter of civic and moral duty.    For example, a neighborhood where residents interact and socialize is almost assuredly a safer neighborhood.    Even within inner-city areas, when neighbors know each other and visit with one another, those neighborhoods experience significantly less crime than similar--but disconnected--areas.   In the South, where citizens are less socially connected than in the North (as measured in club involvement, number of organizations, voting, etc.) one is TWICE as likely to be murdered.  Secondly, extreme beliefs are nurtured in isolation; social interaction tends to moderate our views. School shootings are incubated among the socially isolated.   In a friendlier vein, the best predictor of high SAT scores is the social life of children and parents; schmoozers have higher SAT scores!

After trying to convince readers that it is in everyone's best interest for us to become socially connected, I highlighted several approaches to help foster this.

I relied heavily upon information from the book, "Bowling Alone," (Putnam), but also referenced other titles, including, "Margin," (Swenson), "The Second Coming of the Church" (Barna), and "The Golden Rule of Schmoozing," (Jaye).

In "Bowling Alone," Robert Putnam documents how television (and computer games, Internet, etc.) is literally dissipating our social lives.   The problem is not that Americans have less time as much as it is that Americans spend vast quantities of time in front of a picture tube.  Replacing viewing with making ones own fun can work wonders socially.

Reading the community paper is another big step toward socially connecting.  Reading the paper not only fosters a "bond" to your community, it informs you of social opportunities.  Paper readers are much more likely to be socially involved; whether paper reading showcases a pre-existing social disposition or creates it is a matter of debate; my viewpoint is probably some of both.    So determine to be connected and resolve to read the paper; then you are safe either way!

My third suggestion: clear time for people.   Too long a drive to work, too big a house/lawn, working too many hours-these excesses rob us of precious social and (more importantly) family time.     Money is not the only currency out there: time and energy are becoming precious.    People with big bankrolls, but little time and energy, are not likely to connect socially.

My fourth suggestion was to selectively accept or reject social trends.   Hate music, for example, brainwashes us with rotten attitudes.   We should dress in a way that communicates friendliness.    We need to converse with our children, not just park them in front of the television.  

My fifth suggestion was to avoid the anonymous lifestyle.   Prefer the small group to the large, the local to the distant, and the personable to the efficient.    Meet people face to face, not over the Internet.    Reject the tendency to hide dysfunctionality (messed-up-ed-ness) in the crowd.   Socially, bigger is not better.

It took three articles to survey my last suggestion, "Learn to schmooze."  Schmoozers enjoy people without an ulterior motive.   Schmoozers value people and seek to bring them joy.  They recognize the need for both exclusive (bonding) relationship and inclusive (bridging) ones.   They are masters of small talk.

There you have it, a summary of my past twelve articles.   Perhaps one of them has rung your bell.  I hope you were challenged to connect.  It matters.